Funny Ebay Ad (if Repost I Humbly Apologize)
12-17-2003 | 04:30 PM
#1
Thread Starter
Super Moderator
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 5,181
From: My BIG ol TURBO-DIESEL
Came across this on ebay - http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dl...item=2448756945
quote:
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YOU are bidding on the rolling chassis for a Honda CB500T, 1978 vintage.
The CB500T was possibly one of the nastiest Honda twins ever made, coupling excruciating vibration, lousy handling and a horrendous engine in an unholy union of incompetent engineering. So the chassis isn’t worth talking about.
Viewers will see this, but because there are so many people on Ebay who appear devoid of functioning eyes and brain, I shall point it out, in words of one syllable. This is for the benefit of those mental defectives who’ve just found out how to turn the doorknob the right way to escape from their remedial classes:
THIS BIKE DOES NOT GO. IT DOES NOT RUN.
The lack of engine is a clue. Ditto the lack of any fuel tank, a seat, exhausts, ignition system and anything else usually associated with an internal combustion engine and forward motion. Even freewheeling it will be fraught with excitement, because it hasn’t got a front brake either. See? Nor handlebars, so steering it will be an adventure. A frame, forks, pair of wheels, and a few odds and sods, and what you see in the pic (try http://www.chateau.murray.dsl.pipex.com/CB500Twreck.jpg if you want) is your lot.
Now, I’ve got a bit tired of the decerebrated turnips that bid on Ebay, as perusal of the old C90 that I sold (item no. 2442354423) will show. Possession of a powerful computer is no substitute for a working brain. Only the other week I was sitting beside an American female in a business centre in a Chilean hotel, as she tried to connect to her Yahoo messager that normally pops up on her screen at home. Needless to say, it didn’t there. I suggested she try her Yahoo email, and she asked how to find that. So I told her to go to yahoo.com and watched as she added an extra w to the www, no dot and an extra c in com.
And then she called the hotel girl over and complained to her she’d forgotten her Yahoo password, and could she help? The girls's face was a picture. I have no idea what: "You complete imbecile!" is in Spanish, but I can mime it now. At this point I left them to it. And these people have Ebay accounts…… terrifying, isn’t it? So anyone I consider particularly bereft of clue will have their bids cancelled.
Then there are the people who screw up in their bidding, by bidding £111 instead of £11. A tip: if you suffer from Parkinson’s Disease, don’t bid on Ebay. And instead of retracting the bid, they send me damn stupid long-winded, illiterate and nonsensical emails (the sort of thing that, on paper, would be written in purple crayon with LoTs oF rAndoM CApITaL LeTters). Same applies.
Then there are the people who bid just to see what happens. They've no intention of buying: they just bid to see the numbers change and their name on the screen. These are the sort of people who'd bang lumps of plutonium together because they've heard it makes a pretty spark. Ebay's infested with the sods.
So what is this heap good for? Beats the hell out of me. For the last two years it has been used as a ground anchor for my trailer. That’s right, I’ve kept it because it’s just a large heavy lump of pig iron that prevents something rather more valuable[1] being stolen. You may find a better use for it, but I never have.
I’m installing a proper ground anchor for the trailer and was going to throw this heap away, but it occurred to me that if some lunatic was prepared to pay £41 for the C90 mentioned above, then I might (a) get some cash and (b) save myself the trouble of carting it down to the dump. There are mental defectives on Ebay who will pay for anything. Finding someone prepared to pay for that C90 was like finding someone willing to hand over cash in exchange for mud. So someone might want to buy this derelict example of Japanese industrial archaeology.
Starting price is 99p. Buyer collects by the end of December 2003. I can deliver, but I'll charge 50p/mile, each way, so you don't have to be Stephen Hawking to work out that if you live 25 miles away it'll cost £25, but as ever, this ad has to cater to the lowest forms of intelligent life in the Great Ebay Universe, so there: I've spelled it out. Oh, and for the real thickos, look at the "location" tag. I'm in south-west London. Nowhere near, for example, Glasgow.
What’s intriguing is that the main frame tube has been welded up, just aft of the engine top mount, and painted with red lead. This implies either that it cracked through vibration, or that someone thought of chopping the frame and changed his mind, or that somebody wanted to try the angle grinder and welding torch he got for Christmas. But the wheel hubs are OK. The back wheel is the same as for the CB550, and they have a reputation for cracking their hubs. This one’s fine, if you have a CB550 with a cracked hub. There are some primitive electrical components still on it, but don’t ask me if they work because even Edison would consider it too much hassle. Amazingly, I have a valid registration document for it.
Zero feedback bidders I’d prefer to email me with their contact details, or run the risk of Planet Earth’s Neutronic Bid Zapper cancelling their bids. The feckwits who ask all sort of dim questions will be treated harshly. WYSIWYG. Planet Earth's Alien Feedback Division will deal ruthlessly with any NPBs. Beep.
[1] Like a child's plastic tricycle.
(Dateline 4 hours after auction start). Christ, so it begins. No, the SuperSoaker isn't included. Nor the plastic bowl, spare wheel for my trailer or indeed the wall behind the wreck, which is in fact the side of my house.
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
YOU are bidding on the rolling chassis for a Honda CB500T, 1978 vintage.
The CB500T was possibly one of the nastiest Honda twins ever made, coupling excruciating vibration, lousy handling and a horrendous engine in an unholy union of incompetent engineering. So the chassis isn’t worth talking about.
Viewers will see this, but because there are so many people on Ebay who appear devoid of functioning eyes and brain, I shall point it out, in words of one syllable. This is for the benefit of those mental defectives who’ve just found out how to turn the doorknob the right way to escape from their remedial classes:
THIS BIKE DOES NOT GO. IT DOES NOT RUN.
The lack of engine is a clue. Ditto the lack of any fuel tank, a seat, exhausts, ignition system and anything else usually associated with an internal combustion engine and forward motion. Even freewheeling it will be fraught with excitement, because it hasn’t got a front brake either. See? Nor handlebars, so steering it will be an adventure. A frame, forks, pair of wheels, and a few odds and sods, and what you see in the pic (try http://www.chateau.murray.dsl.pipex.com/CB500Twreck.jpg if you want) is your lot.
Now, I’ve got a bit tired of the decerebrated turnips that bid on Ebay, as perusal of the old C90 that I sold (item no. 2442354423) will show. Possession of a powerful computer is no substitute for a working brain. Only the other week I was sitting beside an American female in a business centre in a Chilean hotel, as she tried to connect to her Yahoo messager that normally pops up on her screen at home. Needless to say, it didn’t there. I suggested she try her Yahoo email, and she asked how to find that. So I told her to go to yahoo.com and watched as she added an extra w to the www, no dot and an extra c in com.
And then she called the hotel girl over and complained to her she’d forgotten her Yahoo password, and could she help? The girls's face was a picture. I have no idea what: "You complete imbecile!" is in Spanish, but I can mime it now. At this point I left them to it. And these people have Ebay accounts…… terrifying, isn’t it? So anyone I consider particularly bereft of clue will have their bids cancelled.
Then there are the people who screw up in their bidding, by bidding £111 instead of £11. A tip: if you suffer from Parkinson’s Disease, don’t bid on Ebay. And instead of retracting the bid, they send me damn stupid long-winded, illiterate and nonsensical emails (the sort of thing that, on paper, would be written in purple crayon with LoTs oF rAndoM CApITaL LeTters). Same applies.
Then there are the people who bid just to see what happens. They've no intention of buying: they just bid to see the numbers change and their name on the screen. These are the sort of people who'd bang lumps of plutonium together because they've heard it makes a pretty spark. Ebay's infested with the sods.
So what is this heap good for? Beats the hell out of me. For the last two years it has been used as a ground anchor for my trailer. That’s right, I’ve kept it because it’s just a large heavy lump of pig iron that prevents something rather more valuable[1] being stolen. You may find a better use for it, but I never have.
I’m installing a proper ground anchor for the trailer and was going to throw this heap away, but it occurred to me that if some lunatic was prepared to pay £41 for the C90 mentioned above, then I might (a) get some cash and (b) save myself the trouble of carting it down to the dump. There are mental defectives on Ebay who will pay for anything. Finding someone prepared to pay for that C90 was like finding someone willing to hand over cash in exchange for mud. So someone might want to buy this derelict example of Japanese industrial archaeology.
Starting price is 99p. Buyer collects by the end of December 2003. I can deliver, but I'll charge 50p/mile, each way, so you don't have to be Stephen Hawking to work out that if you live 25 miles away it'll cost £25, but as ever, this ad has to cater to the lowest forms of intelligent life in the Great Ebay Universe, so there: I've spelled it out. Oh, and for the real thickos, look at the "location" tag. I'm in south-west London. Nowhere near, for example, Glasgow.
What’s intriguing is that the main frame tube has been welded up, just aft of the engine top mount, and painted with red lead. This implies either that it cracked through vibration, or that someone thought of chopping the frame and changed his mind, or that somebody wanted to try the angle grinder and welding torch he got for Christmas. But the wheel hubs are OK. The back wheel is the same as for the CB550, and they have a reputation for cracking their hubs. This one’s fine, if you have a CB550 with a cracked hub. There are some primitive electrical components still on it, but don’t ask me if they work because even Edison would consider it too much hassle. Amazingly, I have a valid registration document for it.
Zero feedback bidders I’d prefer to email me with their contact details, or run the risk of Planet Earth’s Neutronic Bid Zapper cancelling their bids. The feckwits who ask all sort of dim questions will be treated harshly. WYSIWYG. Planet Earth's Alien Feedback Division will deal ruthlessly with any NPBs. Beep.
[1] Like a child's plastic tricycle.
(Dateline 4 hours after auction start). Christ, so it begins. No, the SuperSoaker isn't included. Nor the plastic bowl, spare wheel for my trailer or indeed the wall behind the wreck, which is in fact the side of my house.
12-17-2003 | 04:49 PM
#4
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 1,535
From: ATX
12-17-2003 | 04:53 PM
#5
Super Moderator
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 12,288
From: Amityville, New York
I had a 1975 CB 500T actually, lol
it beat the hell out of my cannondale bike, it treated me good until
I got pulled over considering I was 15 and the thing was illegal.
anyhow, the "THIS BIKE DOES NOT GO. IT DOES NOT RUN" line
reminds me of the Monty Python skit with the dead parrot.
it beat the hell out of my cannondale bike, it treated me good until
I got pulled over considering I was 15 and the thing was illegal.
anyhow, the "THIS BIKE DOES NOT GO. IT DOES NOT RUN" line
reminds me of the Monty Python skit with the dead parrot.
