Ever Get Mad At Some Sort Of Appliance
08-06-2005 | 06:32 PM
#25
Super Moderator
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 5,181
From: My BIG ol TURBO-DIESEL
A woman asks her husband, "Would you like some bacon and eggs? A slice of toast and maybe Some grapefruit and coffee?" she asks.
He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."
At lunchtime she asked if he would like something. "A bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?"
He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food."
Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy porterhouse steak and scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"
He declines again. "Naw, still not hungry."
"Well," she says, "would you mind letting me up? I'm starving."
He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."
At lunchtime she asked if he would like something. "A bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?"
He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food."
Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy porterhouse steak and scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"
He declines again. "Naw, still not hungry."
"Well," she says, "would you mind letting me up? I'm starving."
08-06-2005 | 06:49 PM
#26
Super Moderator
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 5,181
From: My BIG ol TURBO-DIESEL
A woman goes into a pet shop looking for a parrot. The assistant shows her a beautiful African Grey parrot.
"What about this one, Madam? A beautiful bird, and it's an absolute steal at only $20."
"Why is it so cheap?" the woman asks.
"Well", replies the assistant, "it used to live in a brothel and as a result its language is a touch fruity".
"Oh, I don't mind that", said the woman, making her mind up, "I'm broad minded and it'll be a laugh having a profane parrot". So saying, she buys the parrot and takes him home.
Once safely in his new home, the parrot looks around and squawks at the woman. "F.... me, a new brothel and a new madam".
"I'm not a madam and this is not a brothel," scolds the woman trying not to laugh.
A little later the woman's two teenage daughters arrive home.
"Un freaking-believable. A new brothel, a new madam, and now two new prostitutes," says the parrot when he sees the daughters.
"Mum, tell your parrot to shut up, we're not prostitutes," complain the girls, but they all see the funny side and have a laugh at their new pet.
A short while later, the woman's husband, Dave, comes home.
"In freaking- credible, a new brothel, a new madam, new prostitutes, but the same old clients .... How ya doin', Dave?"
Silence
"What about this one, Madam? A beautiful bird, and it's an absolute steal at only $20."
"Why is it so cheap?" the woman asks.
"Well", replies the assistant, "it used to live in a brothel and as a result its language is a touch fruity".
"Oh, I don't mind that", said the woman, making her mind up, "I'm broad minded and it'll be a laugh having a profane parrot". So saying, she buys the parrot and takes him home.
Once safely in his new home, the parrot looks around and squawks at the woman. "F.... me, a new brothel and a new madam".
"I'm not a madam and this is not a brothel," scolds the woman trying not to laugh.
A little later the woman's two teenage daughters arrive home.
"Un freaking-believable. A new brothel, a new madam, and now two new prostitutes," says the parrot when he sees the daughters.
"Mum, tell your parrot to shut up, we're not prostitutes," complain the girls, but they all see the funny side and have a laugh at their new pet.
A short while later, the woman's husband, Dave, comes home.
"In freaking- credible, a new brothel, a new madam, new prostitutes, but the same old clients .... How ya doin', Dave?"
Silence
