Classes Cancelled!
04-17-2003 | 01:56 PM
#8
Super Moderator
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 5,181
From: My BIG ol TURBO-DIESEL
What Not To Say or Do When Pulled Over.
I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good job!
Excuse me. Is "stick up" hyphenated?
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
I was going to be a trooper, but I decided to finish high school instead.
Bad cop! No donut!
You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's nightstand.
I pay your salary!
So, uh, you on the take, or what?
Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist.
Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
Hey, is that a 9 mm? How's that compare to this one here?
Say Hi to your wife and my kids!
Man, I have no idea how fast I was goin'!
What exactly is "legally drunk"?
So, what's a good bribe go for around here?
I hope you realize you're about to ruin a perfect record.
Okay, so I was speeding and I let you catch me - how about best of three?
If I were you I'd let me go!
Met your quota? Happy now?
You should give the ticket to my damn unreliable cruise control.
Speeding is an abstract concept, don't you think?
If I had known you were there I would never have been going that fast!
How fast was I going? I don't know because the speedo doesn't go that high?
Ask him where he bought his cool hat.
Pretend you are gay and ask him out. When he says no, cry.
If he asks you to step out of the car, automatically throw yourself on the hood.
When he goes to read you your rights, sing "La La La, I can't hear you!"
Clean your ear with the pen.
Ask if he has a daughter. If he says yes, say I thought the name sounded familiar...
Mumble to yourself.
Stare at his lights and say "Look at the pretty colors!"
Tell him you like men in uniform.
Course I'm pissed officer, d'you think I'd drive like this if I was sober.
Is that a baton in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me.
You can't do that, this isn't my car!
Hey! That's my beer!
60 mph in a 30mph area? Could you put down 70 - I'm trying to sell the car.
Yes, officer I saw your flashing lights, but you didn't seem to be catching me, so I assumed you were after someone else.
When you smack the crap outta me, make sure you smile pretty for the video camcorder.
I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good job!
Excuse me. Is "stick up" hyphenated?
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
I was going to be a trooper, but I decided to finish high school instead.
Bad cop! No donut!
You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's nightstand.
I pay your salary!
So, uh, you on the take, or what?
Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist.
Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
Hey, is that a 9 mm? How's that compare to this one here?
Say Hi to your wife and my kids!
Man, I have no idea how fast I was goin'!
What exactly is "legally drunk"?
So, what's a good bribe go for around here?
I hope you realize you're about to ruin a perfect record.
Okay, so I was speeding and I let you catch me - how about best of three?
If I were you I'd let me go!
Met your quota? Happy now?
You should give the ticket to my damn unreliable cruise control.
Speeding is an abstract concept, don't you think?
If I had known you were there I would never have been going that fast!
How fast was I going? I don't know because the speedo doesn't go that high?
Ask him where he bought his cool hat.
Pretend you are gay and ask him out. When he says no, cry.
If he asks you to step out of the car, automatically throw yourself on the hood.
When he goes to read you your rights, sing "La La La, I can't hear you!"
Clean your ear with the pen.
Ask if he has a daughter. If he says yes, say I thought the name sounded familiar...
Mumble to yourself.
Stare at his lights and say "Look at the pretty colors!"
Tell him you like men in uniform.
Course I'm pissed officer, d'you think I'd drive like this if I was sober.
Is that a baton in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me.
You can't do that, this isn't my car!
Hey! That's my beer!
60 mph in a 30mph area? Could you put down 70 - I'm trying to sell the car.
Yes, officer I saw your flashing lights, but you didn't seem to be catching me, so I assumed you were after someone else.
When you smack the crap outta me, make sure you smile pretty for the video camcorder.
